The eighth month of 2022 is well underway. I've literally just returned from a vacation to Paradise. I am still not where I thought I would be yet. I'm typing this from a life space filled with irony, a mind space filled with laughter, and...
A heart space twinkling today with just the right dose of joy.
I am standing flat-footed, firm on the other side of a most uncomfortable, pivotal, and righteous life decision. My soul is at total peace. My heart is filled with an uncanny hope. And. My mind battles daily with small bouts of uncertainty. All three of these things are true, transparent, and overlap in some way each day. No one told me that at the bottom of faith always lies an internal battle of uncertainty. There is not one guide that was handed to me that says " You can trust God AND still be unsure." Nothing was written down that says " You can trust God and still have questions." Nothing, Not one person, and Not one manual.
So here I am, minding my wait. Here I am minding my peace. Here I am reminded of processed promises before, of times more turbulent than this. Here I am fortified in my faith, knowing that what God has spoken is a promise that HE will make good to perform.
As I have continued my trust walk with God, these moments in uncertainty are battles that I welcome because without them, I know certainly that I have indeed made the appropriate decision. I have come to realize whatever substance resides in the depths of your soul will also come alive, fill, and reside in the space occupied while you wait. I think back to times at the beginning of my journey when I would allow myself to be disturbed, and many times distracted. Those times of distraction cost me inner peace and time that I could not get back.
I recognize now that my moments of uncertainty come from not having control over how things play out and nothing at all to do with what God is quietly working out for me. This is why uncertain moments can coexist with my faith in the process, my hope for the promise, and my discerned knowing that the right decision has been made. I realize that any felt uncertainty is reserved for an idle moment. It is what I do in those moments that decide the course of my thoughts and in turn the course of my day. My faith assurance calls me to fill these moments with purposed action and intentional thoughts.
This last season called for me to disconnect from some people, become mindful of various motives, and discern ill-aligned agendas. In making this last set of decisions I also had to become okay with what could not accompany me in this space. I had to become mindful of who could not accompany me in this space. Whatever you carry into a decision is what you will deal with as you stand on the other side of that decision. Consider what you may be giving time and attention to that distracts from your focus while you wait.
There were many things that I thought would be happening "by now" that are not. Rather than be discouraged, I am mindful of what I may be being protected from. I am mindful that it is far better to wait in peace, focused on what I prayed for than to force anything into fruition that I may think I want. I am mindful that a God-given thing is better than any one thing I could create for myself. I am mindful that the stops necessary throughout the wait are needed to further my journey. How you wait on God is just as important as why you wait on God. Our ways and thoughts always seem right until they are proven wrong and cost us what our souls cannot afford to pay.
The clutter of uncertainty should be momentary, consider what causes it to linger longer. Be encouraged, knowing that in all things through all things, God KNOWS best. There is abundant goodness coming to me that is worth a peaceful wait, I am most certain that blessing is also available to You.
~Healing Is A #HeartPosture~ Kesh C.
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