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Heart for Hire

My sincere prayer while typing this is that it sets you free as you read it and not after you read it. God is so good to us that sometimes He will answer our hearts desire by showing us what not to do and who not to be like. This is something I realized over time as life happened and women were removed from my life. What the Holy Spirit has revealed to me is simply this: A Woman of God does not have to refer to herself as such because what she does out speaks what she says.

The average church-going woman has bought into the idea that her purpose is to "become the Proverbs 31 woman so that she can have a Godly marriage with a Godly man." They date with purpose on purpose for a purpose. That's really good Sis. It sounds really good. It sounds so good that these same women will prostitute their gifts and pimp out their platforms to perpetuate this image in hopes that it will attract a man. They're "serving for God" because that attracts a husband. Because the goal is marriage; God said the goal is marriage, Right? Wrong. The goal is to be a woman that has good character and is trusted. When God can trust you, He can bless you. I'm sure you're wondering what all this has to do with the image on the right though, aren't you? Well…why do you want to be in a relationship so bad, Sis?

I can be three hundred percent transparent and say that I truly did desire to be married again. I had married young and it failed. I had two children that I wanted to show what love was. I wanted them to be raised in a two-parent household filled with joy, peace, and happiness. The idea was great but as scenario after scenario failed with different men, I began to get frustrated. I was serving in the church. I was working. I was raising my children on my own with the support of a village. In my mind, I was the modern-day blueprint of the Proverbs 31 woman. I thought I was doing everything right. What I found out over time and through healing was that not only was my mentality wrong, so was my heart posture. I wasn’t looking for a husband. Shoot, I didn’t even want a husband. I wanted HELP. I wanted help raising my kids. I wanted help paying bills. I wanted help with the personal debt I created. I wanted a man that provided relief from the stress and circumstances that came with the consequences of decisions I had made. I wanted the safety net of having financial stability in case I went through unemployment again. I say this again, I was looking for help not a husband. I wasn’t looking for a man to love and honor according to God’s covenant of marriage. I wasn’t married because I was doing wrong; I wasn’t married because God knew my heart as well as my heart posture. He knew the desire was good but the motive and the intentions were not. God was not about to put a blessing in my life that I would sabotage, misuse, and abuse.

Over the last several years, God has answered my prayer of breaking me and making me whole. At the time I asked for that, I really didn’t know what I was asking for, lol. The way He answered it was by showing me the holes in my heart and the relationships that those holes allowed. You are what you attract. You are the sum of who you surround yourself with. That isn’t just limited to romantic relationships it includes friendships as well. I was surrounded by plenty of broken “Godly Women and Women of God.” They all “desired marriage” too. They all thought that they were the ideal image of the Proverbs 31 woman. What did we all have in common though? I’ll tell you. We were all traumatized by childhood hurts. We were all serving in the church and chasing our purpose. But the catch-all was this: We all wanted a man to take care of us but NONE of us were financially stable on our own. We were plotting on how a man’s check would make our lives better but not really working on our hearts to become better women. We were “doing good” but not becoming better. We had seriously jacked up heart motives and none of us was willing to be transparent about it. We were quick to get frustrated with not having a husband but not willing to dig into nor deal with why we didn’t have husbands. Interesting huh? Crazy how the church will push the idea of marriage, but not financial management isn’t it, lol? Fifty percent of marriages end in divorce, with thirty-five percent of that being divorce over money issues. Does your church offer a financial management class? I know mine didn’t. Let that resonate for a second while I get back on topic.

As I have continued this journey to a healed and whole heart my desire for marriage has shifted from being a necessity and a priority to being something that will happen when God sees fit. I've come to realize that sometimes people are in your life for a season so that God can show you who not to be like. I’ve learned how to allow God in so that He could show me how to love myself and have the integrity to deal with myself. I have also become dedicated to obeying His word and His will for my life. I am more concerned with being a woman God can trust than I am with being a “Woman of God.” As a result of this, my life has gotten better in all aspects from friends to finances. I no longer need a man to come in and save me nor is what a man can provide even a primary concern because I’ve become fiscally responsible for myself. I can say that I am a better mother, mentor, friend, and steward over all that my hands touch.

I want you to get honest with yourself about why you’re dating. I also want you to understand that God absolutely KNOWS your heart, so stop loosely saying that. He will bless you with what He can trust you with. If you are a woman seeking marriage, I encourage you to let God in to show you your heart. It may not be as upright as you think it is. I know mine wasn’t. What I can promise you is that God’s love will correct your heart posture and heal your desires so that they come from a whole place. What you think you want may not be what you need. You may not have what you need because you can’t be trusted with it.

The Proverbs 31 woman is a woman with good character and a woman who is trusted. Are you that somebody?

Healing Is A #HeartPosture - Kesh C.


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