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So, whose life is it anyway???

I have had nothing but time to reflect this year. With my fortieth birthday approaching in less than ninety days, I have a clearer understanding of the reflection, introspection, and oftentimes the self re-examination that are essential to the next level of being I am becoming. The last few years of my thirties have been a mental, emotional, and spiritual journey that I could not have survived without the wisdom, grace, and love of God. I can only attribute the peace in my life, where I am personally, and how my soul responds to matters now to the total submission of my heart to God's re-imaging.

We were, after all, created in God's own image. We just choose to not live there for most of our lives; we all have our reasons. For many reasons of my own, I realize the image I had for my life came from the way I imagined my life to be. My life's plan was under full control of my thoughts, my ways, and my will. I later realized sometime after I turned thirty-seven that what I imagined for my life did not correspond with the image in which God created me to be nor did it correspond to his will for my life. You see, I had my life all planned out. I believe I mentioned this in a previous post or two. You could not have told me when I was thirty-two that I would not be re-married, happily single, and desire no more children at the age of thirty-nine.

At age thirty-two, I imagined I was praying, serving, and on the road to becoming "the Proverbs 31" woman that would have a "faith-centered" marriage. It is actually funny now to type that out because to be perfectly transparent, at the age of thirty-two I had no idea what true faith was. I had yet to notice my patterns in brokenness and become accountable for them. I had no understanding of how love is a decision. I was not aware that I needed healing from childhood and early adult trauma. I had no idea that the Proverbs 31 woman's virtue was found in the fact that she was a woman that God could trust and entrust whatever he placed in her hands to prosper because that is not what the church taught me.

I had this image that I put on every day just to come home tired and wondering why nothing I did, even the things I did well, was not moving forward to the next level. Everything was not bad, but it also was not fully growing. I spent so much time trying not to become the statistical divorced, single black mother that I lost the way to just being the young woman and mother God called me to be. The good news is that I found and embraced her. The not so great news is the "she" I was trying to be died a brutal death in the process. The better news is that once I allowed God to re-image my life I began to see the inaccuracies that I imagined for myself and was able to embrace the beautiful reality that comes with yielding to God's will for your life.

There is nothing quite as scary as looking in the mirror and not recognizing who you are. Not only do you not know who you are, you have no idea why you are doing what you are doing. You literally wake up to put on a mask to mask your internal turmoil and then go about your day abiding in the masks of who you want others to perceive you to be. You find yourself forcing your will just to end up further away from where you are really supposed to be. The everyday hustle to appear solid, strong, and successful become a burden from the weight required to wear all of those masks. The idols we worship in life are often the ones we create from our own misguided images of self. We spend so much time in masks that we become unidentifiable to ourselves. The beautiful thing is we do not become unidentifiable to God. No matter how many masks you decide to dress up in for the world, God still knows his children. You can run but you simply cannot hide.

It is with that thought in mind that I want to encourage you today to take off your mask. All of them. The life you are trying to force on others is only hindering you. The life you may be trying to live may not be the one God called you to. You can hustle your image and pimp your platform to the highest bidder and it still will not out prosper being authentically obedient to the image God created for you. With time winding down in 2020 the best place you can be is in the skin of the authentic you that God created. Choose that space because today that choice is yours.

~Healing Is A #HeartPosture~Kesh C.


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