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paid in full

I've been in a place of waiting since July. While this wait has been peaceful, it has not been an easy place to remain steadfast in. There have been days when even reminding myself of what God promised me has not been enough to calm the storm in my mind. What I can tell you today is that the "storm" we love to empower, preach, and teach about is typically more mental than physical. Our storms are a direct result of the circumstances surrounding the decisions we have made. The storm is metaphoric. The storm is a mentality. It is nothing more than the thoughts manifested in our minds by the life state we no longer have control over. How long we stay in the "storm" depends on what we tell our minds and hearts daily.

I've had moments where scripture has failed to calm my mind and prayer was sometimes in the form of silent tears from frustration. I've had moments over the last few months where what God promised me didn't line up with what was happening in real-time. I even had a very brief moment where I found myself angry to the point of cursing God and having to repent before that day was over. Yes, "She of such great faith", had a moment where I was angry with God and said something that I should not have said out loud. My mind was so clouded that I struggled to repent. Yet even at that moment, God was with me. I did not go to sleep angry, I was able to account for my wrong, and I woke up the next morning in a mental state of peace.

The lesson I believe I have grown well through this season is that how we wait is more important than what we are waiting on. Previous seasons were a necessary preparation for where I am today. I have accounted for prolonged periods of waiting brought on by my own disobedience. I have experienced periods of waiting brought on by stewarded elevation. I have persevered through periods of waiting necessary for my healing. All were shorter than this current season of wait. All carried different weights in their respective season of wait. What they all had in common was that each season produced a greater faith character than that of the previous season. I knew in my own understanding that this season would be a walk in the park. I walked into this season certain in my own understanding that what was promised would come quickly because I had obeyed. Nothing has happened in the manner I thought it would. At some point," my understanding" had to shift into allowing God's timing and promises to unfold in His way, not mine. Becoming accountable for the storm I created mentally based on my own understanding shifted both the load of the weight and the space of the wait I have been in. Allowing the unfolding of God's time has restored me to that place of "perfect peace." I have the joy that comes with knowing no one can out-bless God. I am in a righteous heart posture that allows full confidence in knowing that what God has promised, He is able to also perform.

The weight has been made lighter because when I am not, God IS. What I am not, God IS. He has been whatever I need him to be in the moments that I needed Him to be it. I write today encouraged because I know I am not the only person in a season of wait. I am not the only person who has allowed the weight of the wait to distract them, even if only for a moment. I also know that I am not the only person who is going to cash in on the promises that come with growing through the wait.

No matter what our minds tell us, the wait is always a temporary place with an appointed time to end. Even when they feel far off, God's promises are always paid in full. No matter the weight or the wait, keep your heart and mind focused on what God has promised you, it will absolutely come to pass.

~Healing is A #HeartPosture~ Kesh C.


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