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putting ON for the city

Hurt has a way of living in your heart rent free....

I'm going to be the first one to raise my hand and say

"YES, Lord. It's me again." I remember praying for God to bless me with certain things, a certain salary amount, even a certain lifestyle so that I could pull up at some point stunting on folks that were no longer in my life. Call me what you want, but at least I'm transparent enough to admit it. I'm also brave enough to say that the folks I wanted to stunt on were attached to some hurt places in my heart. It's crazy to me now when I look at the things I asked for in prayer and the reasons I asked for them. It was important to me to show back up looking better than they left me. Why it was important to me is what I want to dig into today. I was seeking validation from people in places I should have not ever been. I was looking for the "Dang, I wish I had treated her right" from people who I wanted to shine on after the hurt they had caused me. My broken heart posture had me believing that a nice car, some designer bags, and just being in a better financial situation would change how people saw me and treated me. None of that was true. Even after I made more money, got better cars, and rocked designer bags I was still mistreated. I was mistreated because of what I allowed, not because of what I had. I was handled wrong because I wanted to hear that I was good enough from people who were broken just like me. I know I touched on this in another post, but you really are who you attract. I'm not just talking about men either. Some of the "friendships" I allowed myself to entertain with other women were jacked up because I was jacked up. Let me simply say predatory spirits are real y'all!

It wasn't until I really started becoming serious about my relationship with Christ that I saw how what was within me impacted what happened to me and around me. My prayers were not sincere, they were vindictive. I didn't want a better life to simply have a better life. I wanted a better life so that I could prove something to those who hadn't handled me right. God didn't bless that and He won't ever bless that. I had to discover why I was enough to understand that I was enough. God stripped my heart and made me really deal with some hurts and traumas. My desire for certain things shifted and the people that should have been let go were let go. It's a blessing to now say that I don't care who sees me nor sees what I have because even if I had nothing, I'm still way more than enough.

I challenge you to check your heart posture. Why is it important for "them" to see you? Why is it important for you to "stunt" on them? Why are "they" still taking up residence in your heart in the first place? Really ask yourself these things. I promise you'll find an area of your heart that needs to be surrendered over to God for healing. I can also promise you that if you give it to Him, He will take it and make it whole. I know this for myself!

Healing Is A #HeartPosture - Kesh C.


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